I Would Shank A Hoe For You Funny Candle

• THE ULTIMATE RIDE OR DIE GIFT: Forget friendship bracelets. Nothing says "I’ve got your back" quite like a candle promising a felony. It’s the perfect hilarious gift for your most loyal best friend, a graduation, or a "just because" treat for your partner in crime.

• 100 HOURS OF UNCONDITIONAL LOYALTY: A bond this strong needs a candle that can keep up. Our massive 16.5oz mason jar candles offer an 80–100 hour burn time, lasting through every long venting session and late-night plan.

• FARM-POURED & PURE: Hand-poured on our family farm in Lebanon, Missouri, using 100% natural soy wax. It offers a clean, non-toxic burn that clears the air of drama and replaces it with premium, farm-fresh fragrance.

• SCENTS FOR THE LOYAL: From the "Cozy Accomplice" vibes of Apples & Bourbon to the sharp, "Clean Getaway" notes of Fresh Linen, our high-fragrance oils ensure your sanctuary smells as good as your friendship feels.

• USA MADE & REUSABLE: Our heavy-duty glass jars are built to last. Once the 100-hour burn is complete, clean out the jar and reuse it for storage, loose change, or a drink to celebrate your freedom.

The "Ride or Die" Scent Menu

• Sandalwood & Suede (The "Alibi" Scent): A rich, moody blend of dark chocolate, cedar, and velvet musk. It smells like a dark library, a leather-bound secret, and a friend who definitely isn't talking to the cops.

• Apples & Bourbon (The Accomplice): Warm orchard apples and a heavy pour of bourbon. It’s the perfect "debriefing" scent for when you’re sitting on the porch planning your next move together.

• Butt Naked (The Clean Getaway): A fun, fruity explosion of melon, pear, and strawberry. It smells like a tropical vacation you’re taking together—possibly to a country with no extradition treaty.

• Black Raspberry Vanilla (Sweet Loyalty): Our #1 bestseller. A luscious blend of ripe berries and creamy vanilla. It’s the sweet reward for a friendship that has survived every "bad decision" mentioned on your other candle labels.

• Fresh Linen (The Evidence Eraser): A crisp, clean scent with a powder and musk blend. It smells like fresh laundry and a house that is completely, totally, 100% innocent of any wrongdoing.

• Sun Washed Citrus (The Bright Future): Zesty lemon and agave create a refreshing atmosphere. It’s the scent of a fresh start and the bright future you have together, now that the "hoes" have been dealt with.

• Fresh Cut Roses (The Victory Bouquet): A true, deep rose fragrance. Because a friendship this legendary deserves a house that smells like a fresh bouquet for 100 hours straight.